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Souriome de Solfiace

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I hate how people change. I hate how they become hollow and stupid and FAKE.

It's like we're all fucking statues, covering in asphalt and sticky concrete, being swallowed by what we think we should be instead of who we fucking are.

And I hate how I have no friends because I think like that. It's so stupid.

L'emotions:

pissed off

06:43 pm
12/21/07

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luminiscences

Kyo - 300 Lésions (8-12)

[8] Ce Soir

Plongez en moi je m’ouvre une dernière fois

J’ai touché le fond, j’ai perdu ma voix

Plongez en moi, elle a délié les sons

Même changé de nom pour pleurer mes larmes

J’ai tatoué son âme

La chaleur d’une femme

J’ai appris à naître

Elle cogne dans ma tête

Ce soir nos deux corps se mêlent

Fiers d’une étreinte parfaite

Et si elle veut la vie

Moi je lui donne la mienne

Elle a su m’affranchir

De mes souvenirs

Nos deux corps se mêlent

Elle cogne dans ma tête

Plongez en moi elle m’a ouvert le fond

Sa voix comme sillon pour guider mes pas

J’ai tatoué son âme

Sous ma peau glaciale

J’ai appris à naître

Elle cogne dans ma tête

J’irai brûler les feux, noyer vos fleuves, crever mes yeux

J’irai graver son nom, changer les saisons si elle le veut

Brûler, brûler, brûler ce monde

[9] Respire

Glisser sur les ondes ensemble, se dérober au monde

Jeter tout ce qui nous échappe, ne faire qu’effleurer la surface

Même un peu d’excès parfois mais pas trop

Juste ce qu’on se doit

Pour se sentir bien vivant il suffit finalement que l’on

Respire

Un peu du nouvel air

Prions pour ne jamais

Mourir

Avant d’avoir offert

La vie à la planète entière

On est bien jeune et parfois c’est sur nos épaules trop étroites

Que réside le poids du ciel on pourrait le toucher de nos doigts

Je n’veux plus rentrer chez moi, mais chez moi où c’est déjà ?

L’important c’est qu’ensemble on n’oublie pas

Qu’il suffit que l’on

Respire

Seuls, seuls, seuls, seuls

Il faut que l’on

Avant d’avoir offert

La vie à la planète entière

Si la vie n’est qu’un rêve alors rien n’a commencé

Et si rien n’a commencé alors on peut tout refaire

On peut tout refaire

This Night

Dive into me I open myself one last time

I touched the bottom, I lost my voice

Dive into me, she untied the sounds

Even changed her name for crying my tears

I tattooed my heart

The passion of a woman

I learned to be born

She is still in my head

This night our two bodies mingle

Pride of a perfect embrace

And if she wants the life

Me I gave her my own

She knew to free me

Of my memories

Our two bodies mingle

She is still in my head

Dive into me she opened the bottom of me

Her voice like a furrow for guiding my steps

I tattooed my heart

Under my icy skin

I learned to be born

She is still in my head

I will burn the fires, drown our rivers, puncture my eyes

I will engrave her name, change the seasons if she wants it

Burn, burn, burn this world

Breathe

Slip on the waves together, hide from the world

Throw away what escapes us, don’t brush the surface

Even a little of excess sometimes but not too much

Just this that we must

For feeling well living he is enough finally that the one

Breathe

A little new air

Pray to never

Die

Before having offered

The life to the entire planet

We are well young and many times it’s on our too straight shoulders

That resides the weight of the world one could touch it of our fingers

I don’t want anymore to go back home but home where is that ?

The importance is that together we don’t forget

That he suffers that one

Breathe

Alone, alone, alone, alone

It’s necessary that one

Before having offered

The life to the entire planet

If life is but a dream then nothing started

And if nothing started then one can redo everything

One can redo everything
[10] Je Te Rêve Encore

Un agne reste un ange, si on ne l’oublie pas

Je t’emmêle, tu me tords

Un corps reste un corps, mais je ne l’oublie pas

Je te fane, tu m’enterres

Je te rêve encore je t’aime

Au dessus des toits tu règnes oh !

Je frappe d’en bas

Quelques gouttes de moi-même

Et traverse là

[11] L’Enfer

On veut de la vitesse fragile

Des fleurs à tous les feuux rouges pour freiner notre adrénaline

A grand combat de caféine

La belle parade des ondes qu’on avale à outrance

Sans rien dire, sans rien dire

On peut croire en de nouveaux jours

Dans le sillage des hommes que la raison ignore depuis toujours

On peut même jouer à être sourd

Pleurer les palais qui s’écroulent mais pas les déserts peints en rouge

On s’est laissé tomber à genoux

On s’est enlisé jusqu’au cou

Mais un mot de toi pour ma peine

Ma paranoïa sur tes lèvres

Mais Alléluia le vent se lève

Sur l’enfer où je me promène

Des nébuleuses dans nos têtes explosent

As-tu goûté à la dernière nouveauté que la mort propose

Au marché des corps qu’on expose

Ce sont les vieux au plus que douteux sex-appeal qui disposent

On s’est laissé tomber à genoux

On s’est enlisé jusqu’au cou

Mais un mot de toi pour ma peine

Ma paranoïa sur tes lèvres

Mais Alléluia le vent se lève

Sur l’enfer d’où je nous surveille

J’ai donné ma vie pour partager la tienne

Bien écorché vif je m’eveille

Mais un mot de toi pour ma peine

Ma paranoïa sur tes lèvres

Mais Alléluia le vent se lève

Cet enfer est tout ce qu’il me reste

I Dream of You Still

An angel stays an angel, if one doesn’t forget it

I entangle you, you twist me

A body stays a body, but I don’t forget it

I wither you, you bury me

I dream of you still I love you

At the top of your roofs you reign oh !

I hit the bottom

What tastse of me too

And crosses there

The Hell

One wants fragile speed

Of flowers to all the red fires for curbing our adrenaline

To a large fight of caffeine

The beautiful parade of waves that swallow by extravagance

Without saying anything, without saying anything

One can believe in the new days

With the wake of man that reason ignores since forever

One can the same play at being deaf

Cry the palaces which collapse but for the deserted paintings in red

We left ourselves to fall to our knees

We are stuck as far as our necks

But a word from you for my punishment

My paranoia on your lips

But Alleluia the wind lifts

Over the hell where I walk

Of nebulas exploding in our heads

Have you tasted of the last novetly that death proposes

At the body market that one exposes

It is the old moreso that are doubtful of sex-appeal which sets

We are left to fall to our knees

We are stuck as far as our necks

But a word from you for my punishment

My paranoia on your lips

But Alleluia the wind lifts

Over the hell where I watch us

I gave you my life to share yours

Well flayed alive I awaken

But a word from you for my punishment

My paranoia on your lips

But Alleluia the wind lifts

This hell is all that stays with me

[12] L’Assant des Regards

Capturer l’horizon où tout semble Désert

Il faut savoir se taire pour en tirer le son

Je ne saurais vous dire si la lumière est là

Allez savoir pourquoi

Si loin de ma chair

De nos repères

Aussi grand qu’on espère

De guerre en guerre

Tous ces écrans de fond à l’assaut des regards

On a peine à y croire mais c’est ça la raison

Aux rivières de Passion qui traversent nos terres

J’irai creuser le fond jusque dans la lumière

The Assault of Looks

Capture the horizon where all resembles the Desert

It’s necessary to know when to shut up

I wouldn’t know you to say if the light is there

Go find out why

So far from my flesh

Of our indicator

As big as one hopes

From war to war

All these background screens to the assault of looks

One has trouble to believe there but that’s the reason

To rivers of Passion which travel our earth

I will go to dig to the bottom as long as in the light

06:41 pm
12/21/07

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luminiscences

Kyo - 300 Lésions (1-7)

Kyo « 300 lésions »

[1] Contact

Aveugles par nos larmes on devient des poins

Le sort s’acharne au fond quand naît l’opinion

Si la meute t’accepte au final pourquoi ?

Ne pas filer droit, ne pas finir sec, ne pas dévier tes pas ?

J’veux marcher sans regret, brûler des pages entières

Même semer les secrets, apprivoiser mes peines

Lesté de nos silences j’ai trop perdu ma foi

Aussi loin qu’il le faut j’irai trouver au bout le contact

Aussi loin qu’il le faut

Et l’onde de choc propage le message

Et je quitte le sol l’orage se prépare

Abusés par le calme jusqu’à fuir le front

Jusqu’à l’abstinence au fond jusqu’à l’obstruction

Pour fermer nos sens, sans cesse noyer nos silences

Dans le moindre fracas, dans l’espace de nos corps

Dans le vide sous nos pas

La tête bien dans l’eau j’ai décidé qu’aussi loin

Que supporte mon corps ou plus loin s’il le faut

J’irai reculer mon heure, soudoyer le passeur

[2] Dans Ma Chair

Si je m’inspire de vous, des nuits

Aubes de mes dérives lucides

Du jour où les rues transpirent

Du vide autour des villes

Du moindre de mes désirs

Si je transporte vos rêves, vos peines

Vos haines et la mienne

La même qui règne à l’orée du ciel

Mon fleuve, ma sphère, nos chaînes

Rougeoyant dans ma chair

C’est par amour pour elle

Les corps se frôlent,

La rage enrôle au cœur de l’atome

Nos vieux fantômes, I want to go home

L’espoir nous ronge, faites place au virus autonome

Si je pardonne, je m’offre encore

Je tremble et raisonne

Je reste, je cherche

Si j’oublie je donne

Ma vie mon ombre en somme

Jamais ne m’abandonne

C’est par amour pour toi

C’est par amour pour elle

C’est par amour pour moi

Celui qui donne des ailes

Qui ne laisse pas le choix

Et qui en nous sommeille

Et qui en nous est roi

C’est par amour pour elle

C’est par amour pour toi

Allez, allez, rentrons chez nous

Avant, avant qu’on nous torde le cou

Kyo « 300 injuries »

Contact

Blinded by our tears we become points

Fate hunts us relentlessly to the far end when born of opinion

If the pack accepts you at last why ?

Don’t veer to the right, finish hard-hearted, or deviate from your steps ?

I want to walk without regret, burn all the pages

Even to sow secrets, to tame my troubles

Ballasted by our silences, I too lost my faith

As long as I must I will go all the way to find contact

As long as I must

And the wave of impact spreads the message

And I leave the ground the storm prepares itself

Abused by the calm as far as to flee the front

As far as abstinence merges into obstruction

Closing our senses, without stopping to drown our silences

In the lesser roar, in the space of our bodies

In the emptiness under our steps

My head well into the water I decided that as long as

My body holds up more or less as long as I must

I will go back to my hour, bribing the smuggler

In My Flesh

If I am inspire by you, by nights

Dawns of my lucid difting

Of days where streets breathe

Of emptiness around the cities

Of the lesser of my desires

If I carry your dreams, your troubles

Your hatreds and mine

The same which reigns the edge of the sky

My river, my sphere, our chains

Glowing in my flesh

It’s through love for her

Our bodies brush against each other

Passion enrols our heart of atoms

Our old phantoms, I want to go home

Hope gnaws at us, makes space for autonomous viruses

If I forgive, I offer myself still

I tremble and reason

I stay, I search

If I forget I give

My life my shadow in us

Never abandon me

It’s through love for you

It’s through love for her

It’s through love for me

This which gives wings

Which doesn’t leave the choice

And which in us sleeps

And which in us is king

It’s through love for her

It’s through love for you

Go, go, let’s go back to my house

Before, before it wrings our necks

[3] Qui Je Suis

Des milliers de bras tendus

Dans le vacarme de ma venue

Mon dieu qui je suis ?

J’ai laissé ma solitude

Ma maison est un véhicule

Sur mon passage on jure on crie

Je suis perdu à jamais dans une autre vie

Je n’sais plus qui je suis

Je tremble un peu je prie

On m’aimait bien dans ma rue

On me juge dans mon pays

Tout en haut de l’édifice

Brillant sous les lumieères factices

Je n’vois plus mon chemin

Aujourd’hui j’ai tant d’amis

Où sont ceux qui m’ont vu grandir ?

Je les ai vus partir

Je m’suis perdu à dans mon avenir

Je n’sais plus qui je suis

Je tremble un pue je prie

On m’aimait bien dans ma rue

On me juge dans mon pays

Qui je suis ?

Je sors seulement la nuit

Aujourd’hui j’ai peur de vivre

Demain j’aurai peur qu’on m’oublie

Tant pis

[4] Sarah

Sarah elle est belle mais seulement quand elle pleure

Quand elle voit sa mère au fond d’son verre

Et ce quelle que soit l’heure

J’ai vu tellement de feux étients dans les yeux de Sarah

Et la peur des lendemains, biend cachée dans sa voix

Alors pourquoi moi ?

On peut la voir sourire parfois depuis que son père dort

Il était bien trop triste et bien trop fort mais depuis au’il est mort

Sarah sait qu’il existe sous les cerisiers blancs

L’espoir d’un rêve égoïste de vivre seulement

Alors pourquoi moi ?

J’ai eu la vie facile mais je n’servais `a rien

Puis j’ai partagé sa peine, aujourd’hui je suis quelqu’un

Sarah reine des femmes, devant elle je m’incline

Car je peux voir ce matin un ange dans ma cuisine

Sarah elle est belle mais seulement quand elle est nue

Le corps tendu par ses grands airs mes doigts collés à sa nuque

Sarah reine des femmes, devant elle je m’incline

Car je peux voir ce matine un agne…

Un Ange

Who I Am

Of thousands of tense arms

Of the racket of my coming

My god who am I ?

I left my solitude

My house is a vehicle

On my passage I vow I shout

I am lost forever in another life

I don’t know anymore who I am

I tremble a little I pray

They used to like me well on my street

They judge me in my country

Way up high on the building

Brilliant under the artificial lights

I don’t see anymore my way

Today I have few friends

Where are those who saw me grow ?

I saw them leave

I am lost in my future

I don’t know anymore who I am

I tremble a little I pray

They used to like me well on my street

They judge me in my country

Who am I ?

I leave alone in the night

Today I’m afraid to life

Tomorrow I will be afraid that they’ll forget me

Nothing big

Sarah

Sarah she is beautiful but only when she cries

When she sees her mother in the bottom of her glass

And this be it any hour

I saw so much of lights extinguishing in the eyes of Sarah

And of fear of the following days, well hidden in her voice

Oh why me ?

One can see her smile sometimes since her father sleeps

He was too sad, and well too strong but since then he is dead

Sarah knows he exists under the white cherry trees

The hope of a selfish dream of living alone

Oh why me ?

I had an easy life but I never used to serve anything

Then I shared her troubles, today I am someone

Sarah queen of females, I bow down before her

Because I can see this morning an angel in my kitchen

Sarah she is beautiful but only when she is naked

Body tensed by her grand airs my fingers brushed against the nape of her neck

Sarah queen of females, I bow down before her

Because I can see this morning an angel…

An Angel

[5] Sad Day

Des fleuves tachés s’élèvent au ras du sol

Des peintures sous la peau, des symboles

Se révèlent à la lune sous sa lueur fœtale

Et diffusent en silence les rayons qui dévoilent

Les danseuses filiformes qui s’évanouissent au vent

Et se moquent de nous jusqu’à s’en mordre les dents

Sad day, sad day

Laissez les civières

Sad day, sad day

Flotter sur nos rivières

Nos visages entiers se tournent vers l’exil

Et nos bas qui s’étirent jusau’à frôler la cime

On rêve sans trêve et en laissant couler

Dans nos veines le sang libre de nomades oublieés

Tu la sens la tempête qui dans nos têtes s’achève

Les paupières du cyclone qui lentement se ferment

On se rappelle juste pour oublier

S’aimer un peu en fin d’année

Sad day, sad day

Sortez les civières

Sad day, sad day

Qu’elles prennent la mer

Sad day, sad day

Et puisqu’on est la sève

Sad day, sad day

A nous de tout refaire

[6] Révolutions

Allongé dans tes herbes

Je te serre, toi ma Révolution

Arrangé à tes aises

Noyé dans notre Révolution

Si j’implore pardon

Qu’on me donne des Révolutions

Et si la mort nous comble

Je vous donne ma Révolution

A tes flèches de remords

A tes sens et à nos Révolution

A la femme de nos rêves

A nos cœurs et à ta Révolution

[7] Ω (Omega – interlude)

Sad Day

Of stained rivers ascending to the sun’s level

Of paintings under the skin, of symbols

The moon reveals under its fetal light

And diffuses in silence the rays which reveal

The threadlike dances which vanish into the wind

And mock us as long as there is sudden death

Sad day, sad day

Leave the stretchers

Sad day, sad day

Float on our rivers

Our entire faces turn towards the exile

And our low which stretches to brush the top

We dream unremittingly and in leaving colors

In our veins the free blood of forgotten nomads

You sense it the storm which in our heads draws to a close

Our cyclone eyelids which slowly close

We name it just to forget

Love one another a little by the end of the year

Sad day, sad day

Take out the stretchers

Sad day, sad day

That she took to the sea

Sad day, sad day

And since she is the sap

Sad day, sad day

It’s ours to redo

Revolutions

Stretched out in your grass

I grip you, you my Revolution

Arranged at your comfort

Drowned in our Revolution

If I implore excuse me

That one gives me of Revolutions

And if death fulfills us

I give you my Revolution

At your biting arrows

At your feelings and at our Revolution

At the woman of our dreams

At our hearts and at your Revolution

06:40 pm
12/21/07

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luminiscences

Kyo - Le Chemin (7-11)

[7] Je Saigne Encore

Il a le droit de poser ses mains sur ton corps

Il a le droit de respirer ton odeur

Il a même droit aux regards qui le rendent plus fort

Mais moi le chaleur de ta voix dans le cœur

Et ça fait mal crois-moi, une lame

Enfoncée loin dans mon âme

Regarde en toi même pas l’ombre d’une larme

Et je saigne encore, je souris à la mort

Tout ce rouge sur mon corps

Je te blesse dans un dernier effort

Il aime caresser ton visage quand tu t’endors

Et toi tu te permets de dire encore, encore

Je sais que ce qui ne tue pas nous rend plus forts

Mais moi, mais moi je suis déjà mort

[8] Je Te Vends Mon Âme

Je vois ton nom écrit en gros partout sur les murs

Sais-tu c’que j’endure,

Je sens tes mains sur mon corps qui brûle, je brûle

Et je rêve d’un courant d’air,

D’un espace clos avec vue sur la mer,

D’un silence radio, d’un océan solaire

Qui nous porte ensemble et qui nous enferme

J t’ai perdue, depuis je ne m’aime plus

Depuis j’en suis sûr je peux fermer la blessure

Je te vends mon âme, fais de moi ce que tu veux

En retour donne moi la chance d’être mieux

Je te vends mon âme, prends ma vie et mon paysage

En échange je veux voler ton visage

Je te cherche ma sœur d’âme, mon identité,

Ma Vénus fatale à l’unanimité

Ce qu’il y a de mal, je l’ai mis de côté, je serai sage

Et je rêve de former un arc en chair et en osmose avec la terre

Plus de larmes de synthèse, seulement du vrai et du cher

Seulement du fragile et du nécessaire

I Bleed Still

He has the right to lay his hands on your body

He has the right to breathe your scent

He has the same right to glances that make him stronger

But me the heat of your voice in my heart

And it hurts believe me, a blade

Held down a long way in my soul

Look in yourself not the shadow of a tear

And I bleed still, I smile at death

All this red on my body

I hurt you in a last effort

He likes to carress your face when you sleep

And you you permit yourself to say still, still

I know what does not kill us makes us stronger

But me, but me I am already dead

I Give You My Heart

I see your name written in big everywhere on the walls

Do you know what I endure,

I feel your hands on my burning body, I burn

And I dream of a current of air,

Of a closed space with a view of the sea,

Of a silent radio, of a sunny ocean

Which carries us together and which closes us

I lost you, since then I love myself no more

Since then I am sure I can close the wound

I give you my heart, do with me what you want

In return give me the chance to be better

I give you my heart, take my life and my land

In exchange I want to steal your face

I look for you my sister soul, my identity,

My fatal Venus of unanimity

What is bad, I put it to the side, I will behave

And I dream to form an arc of flesh and by osmoses with the earth

More synthetic tears, only of truth and costly

Only of fragile and necessary.

[9] Pardonné

Je suis l’enfant d’un peuple sourd,

Qu’on vienne à mon secours

J’ai construit ma vie et des barrières autour

Sans jamais voir le jour,

J’ai prié mes dieux enfermé seul dans ma tour

Comme toi j’ai voulu un visage et voir du paysage

Prendre le large, écoutez mon message

Les barreux d’une cage

Peuvent céder sous le poids des larmes

J’ai pardonné et j’ai fermé les yeux, j’ai appris à rêver

Et j’ai pardonné et j’ai fermé les yeux sur ma réalité

Je suis la cible qu’il te faut, le satellite en trop

J’ai courbé les épaules et j’ai joué mon rôle

Je suis comme tout le monde

Pourtant malgré moi de la peur je suis l’hôte

Je suis l’enfant d’un peuple sourd

Qu’on vienne à mon secours

J’ai construit des barrières, la vie suit son cours

Je n’attends plus le jour, j’ai renié mes dieux pour toujous

J’ai pardonné et j’ai fermé les yeux, j’ai appris à rêver

Et j’ai pardonné et j’ai fermé les yeux sur ma réalité

Marcher ensemble, sauter ensemble c’est parfait

Tomber ensemble, mourir ensemble c’est parfait

Marcher ensemble, sauter ensemble

Tomber ensemble, mourir ensemble

Partir en cendre, ne rien entendre

Finir en sang

Ne plus attendre.

Forgave

I am the child of a deaf nation

That comes to my aid

I contructed my life and surrounding barriers

Without ever seeing the day,

I prayed to my distant gods alone in my tower

Like you I wanted a face and to see the land

Take a broad mind, listen to my message

The barriers of a cage

Can collapse under the weight of tears

I forgave and I closed my eyes, I learned to dream

And I forgave and I closed my eyes over my reality

I am the target that you need, the satellite in too much

I bent my shoulders and I played my role

I am like everyone

In spite of the fear of me I am the guest

I am the child of a deaf nation

That comes to my aid

I constructed barriers, life follows its course

I don’t wait any longer for the day, I disowned my gods forever

I forgave and I closed my eyes, I learned to dream

And I forgave and I closed my eyes over my reality

Work together, jump together it’s perfect

Fall together, die together it’s perfect

Work together, jump together

Fall together, die together

Come from ashes, hearing nothing

Finish in blood

Don’t wait any longer
[10] Sur Nos Lèvres

Comment se faire à l’idée

D’ouvrir les mains pour saigner

Comment te faire oublier

Tu as les marques du passé.

Sur nos lèvres, le monde a écrit

Ses mots de peur et ses cris

Sa propre fin est ici

Comment nous faire oublier

J’n’ai même plus la force d’écouter

Comment se taire à l’idée

Du goût amer laissé.

Sur nos lèvres, le monde a écrit

Ses mots de peur et ses cris

Sa propre fin est ici

Comment pourrias-je pardonner

A Notre Père qui a laissé sur nos lèvres

Ces blessures qui nous lient

Ces mots de peur et ces cris

Sa propre fin est ici

Le monde a écrit

Le monde, le monde, le monde…

[11] Tout Reste à Faire

On a construit des murailles privées de lumière

Rêve de jardins, de fleurs ; l’ombre et la poussière

J’y ai fait quelques mondes, quelques endroits

Mon préféré est celui d’où je te vois

J’y ai mis tout mon cœur et tout mon savoir faire

Rassemblé tous mes efforts ; l’horizon et la terre

Et tu m’a vu une ou deux fois près de toi ramper

Depuis tu ne m’a plus jamais regardé

Tout reste à faire

Et si tu viens éclairer mon âme quand j’en ai besoin

Si tu viens desserrer les lames autour de mes mains

Je pourrais t’expliquer la chute libre de mon choix

Te montrer les couleurs qui ne vont pas

On Our Lips

Like getting an idea

By opening your hands to bleed

Like making yourself forget

You have the faded marks.

On our lips, the world wrote

Its words of fear and its cries

Its proper end is here

Like we make to forget

I don’t have the same strength to listen

Like shutting up an idea

Of leaving a bitter taste

On our lips, the world wrote

Its words of fear and its cries

Its proper end is here

How could I forgive

Our Father who left on our lips

These wounds which bind us

These words of fear and these cries

Its proper end is here

The world wrote

The world, the world, the world…

Everything Left to Do

I built private walls of light

Dreams of gardens, of flowers ; the shadow and dust

I made there other worlds, other places

My preference is the one where I see you

I took there my heart and all I know to make

Gathered up my efforts ; the horizon and the earth

And you saw me one or two times lurking near you

Still you see me never more

Everything left to do

And if you come enlighten my heart when I need you

If you come letting out tears around my hands

I would be able to explain to you the freefall of my choice

Show yourself to be the colors which don’t go

06:38 pm
12/21/07

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luminiscences

Kyo - Le Chemin (1-6)

Kyo « le chemin »

[1] Le Chemin

Regarde toi assise dans l’ombre

A la lueur de nos mensonges

Les mains glacées jusqu'à l’ongle

Regarde toi à l’autre pôle

Fermer les yeux sur ce qui nous ronge

On a changé à la longue

On a parcouru le chemin

On a tenu la distance

Et je te hais de tout mon corps

Mais je t’adore

On a parcouru le chemin

On a souffert en silence

Et je te hais de tout mon corps

Mais je t’adore

Je vis dans une maison de verre

A moitie remplie de ton eau

Sans s’arrêter le niveau monte

Je suis le fantôme qui s’égare

Je suis étranger à ton cœur

Seulement regarde comme on est seul

[2] Je Cours

Faites moi de la place, juste un peu de place

Pour ne pas qu’on m’efface

J’n’ai pas trop d’amis, regardez en classe

C’est pas l’extase j’ai beaucoup d’espace

Je suis seul et personne à qui le dire

C’est pas l’pire, quand la pause arrive

Je ne suis pas tranquille, il faut que je m’eclipse

Ou alors, accuser les coups,

Ou dehors, il faudra que je coure

Tous les jour, faudra-t-il que je coure

Jusqu’au bout

Je n’ai plus de souffle, je veux que l’on m’écoute

Plus de doute pour m’en sortir je dois tenir

Et construire mon futur

Partir à la conquête d’une vie moins dure

Sûr que c’est pas gagné mais j’assure mes arrières

Pour connaître l’amour et le monde

Il faudra que je coure

Tous les jours, faudra-t-il que je coure

Jusqu’au bout,

Pour connaîre le monde et l’amour

Il faudra que je coure tous les jours

J’voudrais m’arrêter

J’peux plus respirer dans ce monde parmi vous

Kyo « the way »

The Way

Look at yourself sitting in the shadow

At the glow of our lies

Your freezing hands up to your fingernails

Look at yourself at the other pole

Closing your eyes on what bothers us

You changed in the long

We traveled the way

We held the distance

And I hate you with all my body

But I love you

We traveled the way

We suffered in silence

And I hate you with all my body

But I love you

I live in a house of glass

Half-filled of your water

Without stopping on the raised level

I am the ghost who misleads you

I am the stranger in your heart

Only watching as you are alone

I Run

Make me a place, just a little place

For me not to be erased

I don’t have many friends, watch in class

It’s not the ecstacy I have much space

I am alone and no one to say it to

It’s not the worst, when the pause comes

I’m not tranquille, I must overshadow myself

Or then, blame the hits,

Or outside, I will have to run

All the days, will I have to run

All the way

I don’t have much breath, I want someone to listen to me

More doubt of me leaving I must hold

And build my future

Leave the conquest of a life less harsh

On which it can’t win but I assure my overdues

To know love and the world

I will have to run

All the days, will I have to run

All the way,

To know know the world and love

I will have to run all the days

I would like to stop myself

I can breathe more in this world among you

[3] Denière Danse

J’ai longtemps parcouru son corps

Effleuré cent fois son visage

J’ai trouvé de l’or

Et même quelques étoiles en essuyant ses larmes

Et j’ai appris par cœur la pureté de ses formes

Parfois je les dessine encore

Elle fait partie de moi

Je veux juste une dernière danse

Avant l’ombre et l’indifférence

Un vertige puis le silence

Je veux juste une dernière danse

Je l’ai connue trop tôt mais c’est pas de ma faute

La flèche a traversé ma peau

C’est une douleur qui se garde

Qui fait plus de bien que de mal

Mais je connais l’histoire, il est déjà trop tard,

Dans son regard, on peut apercevoir qu’elle se prépare

Au long voyage

Je peux mourir demain ça ne change rien

J’ai reçu de ses mains

Le bonheur ancré dans mon âme

C’est même trop pour un seul homme

Et je l’ai vue partir sans rien dire

Il fallait seulement qu’elle respire

Merci d’avoir enchanté ma vie

[4] Tout Envoyer en L’Air

Laisse ce qui te retient, délaisse ce qui t’appartient

Détache le lien qui lentement se resserre

Car cette vie t’indiffère et ne te ressemble en rien

Ces rêves ne sont pas les tiens

Si tu restes tu vas manquer d’air

Il suffit de tout envoyer en l’air

Je saurais comment faire je crois

C’est inscrit dans nos gènes

Je sais qu’on est capable de tout

Envoyer en l’air, sans regard en arrière

Et c’est le moins que l’on puisse faire

Qui ose faire le pas de l’évolution

Je veux seulement des visages et des corps en ébullition

Pour enfin changer d’air, dans une autre dimension

Venez assister ensemble au réveil d’une génération

Qui veut seulement tout envoyer en l’air

Je saurais comment faire je crois

C’est inscrit dans nos gènes

Je sais qu’on est capable de tout

Envoyer en l’air, sans regard en arrière

Et c’est le moins que l’on puisse faire

Last Dance

I traveled your body a long time

Brushed against your face a hundred times

I found gold

And even a few stars are wiping her tears

And I learned by heart the purity of your forms

Sometimes I draw them still

She makes part of me

I want just a last dance

Before the shadow and indifference

A dizziness then the silence

I want just a last dance

I knew it well too late but it’s not my fault

The arrow went through my skin

It’s a pain which keeps

Who makes more of good than bad

But I know the history, it is again too late

In her look, I can learn that she prepares herself

For a long trip

I can die tomorrow it changes nothing

I received in her hands

The ancor of happiness in my heart

It’s the same too for a lonely man

And I saw her leave without saying anything

It was only necessary that she breathes

Thank you for enchanting my life.

To Send All into the Air

Leave what holds you back, abandon what you belong to

Untie the connection which slowly tightens

Because this life is indifferent to you and ressembles nothing

These dreams are not yours

If you stay you are going to miss the air

It suffices to send all into the air

I would know how to do it I believe

It is inscribed in our genes

I know that we are capable of anything

To send into the air, without looking back

And it’s the least that we can do

Who dares make a step of evolution

I want only the faces and bodies in turmoil

For at last to change the air, in another dimension

Come witness together a waking of the generation

Who wants only to send all into the air

I would know how to do it I believe

It’s inscribed in our genes

I know that we are capable of anything

To send into the air, without looking back

And it’s the least that we can do

[5] Chaque Seconde

J’ai cherche l’erreur, au cœur du système

Ce qui brille est un leurre

Ce qui brille peut fondre au soleil

J’ai cherché l’erreur, qui trouble mon sommeil

J’ai cherché pendant des heures

Pour voir que tout est à refaire

Enfin tout est clair, je relève la tête

Je veux vivre chaque seconde

Comme si demain était la fin du monde

Etre libre pour de bon

A trop vouloir s’élever on tombe

Abandonner la fièvre, ne plus regarder en arrière

Trouber l’essentiel pour enfin oublier le reste

Je n’veux plus d’adresse

Je ne veux plus qu’en vain on se blesse

Je voudrais pouvoir éclore et demain sourire encore

On tombe…

[6] Comment Te Dire

Prisonnier de ton enchantement

En faire l’affaire de nos sentiments

On dirait l’âme, on dirait le corps

Quand ton ennemi est le plus fort

Et moi, j’accours, mais comment te dire…

Les mots ne viennent pas

Libérer le son de ma voix

Je voudrais arrêter le temps passé en toi

Mais laisse moi te dire…

Pris au piège par le souffle imminent

De ton retour, tout ce qui nous attend

On dirait l’âme, on dirait le sang

Tu touches mon cœur, l’esprit s’en ressent

Et mois je suis fou, mais comment te dire

Les mots ne viennent pas

Libérer le son de ma voix

Je voudrais arrêter le temps passé en toi

Mais laisse moi te dire

En amour on n’sait rien

On est rien…

Every Second

I looked for an error, at the heart of the system

What shines is an illusion

What shines can melt the sun

I looked for an error, which troubles my sleep

I looked during the hours

To see that all is to redo

At last all is clear, I lift my head

I want to live every second

Like if tomorrow were the end of the world

To be free for good

Wanting too much to fly I fall

Abandon the fever, no longer look backward

To trouble the essential to at last forget the rest

I don’t want any more adresses

I don’t want any more to hurt in vain

I would like to be able to hatch and tomorrow smile still

I fall…

How to Say to You

A prisoner of your enchantement

To make an affair of our sentiments

One would speak of the heart, of the body

When your enemy is stronger

And me, I rush up, but how to say to you…

The words don’t come

To free the sound of my voice

I would like to stop the times passed in you

But leave me to say to you

Taken to the trap by the imminent wind

Of your return, all that waits for us

One would speak of the heart, of blood

You touch my heart, the mind that feels there

And me I am crazy, but how to say to you

The words don’t come

To free the sound of my voice

I would like to stop the times passed in you

But leave me to say to you

In love one knows nothing

One is nothing…

06:37 pm
12/21/07

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luminiscences

Kyo - Kyo (7-11)

[7] Comme le Monde est Grand

Surtout n’attends pas

Que le monde soit parfait

La vie qu’on a

Est c’qu’on en fait

Surtout n’attends rien

De tout c’qu’on t’apprend

Où est le bien

Qui l’sait vraiment

N’oublie pas qu’on est là

Que d’passage

N’oublie pas qu’on a pas

Tout l’temps

J’ai de l’amour plein la tête

Des envies d’éternellement

Et regarde si tu es prête

Comme le monde est grand

Laisse le passé où il est

Il faut aimer maintenant

Tu verras si rien ne t’arrête

Comme le monde est grand.

N’attends pas

Demain ou après

Pour vivre trop tard

C’que tu rêvais

Surtout n’attends plus

Qu’on choisisse pour toi

Si t’es perdue

Ne suis qu’ta voie

N’oublie pas qu’on est là

Qu’peu de temps

Ne crois qu’en

Ceux qui deux

Comme le monde est grand

Je n’te promets pas la lune

Mais juste vivre au présent

Voir si on regarde un peu

Comme le monde est grand

Et avant d’être trop vieux

Avoir un peu

D’quoi être heureux

J’t’emmème si tu veux

Surtout avant de partir

Vivre c’qu’on peut vivre

En restant libre

Si tu veux me suivre.

As the World is Large

Above all don’t wait

For the world to be perfect

The life you have

Is what you make of it

Above all wait for nothing

All you learn

Where is the well

Who really knows

Don’t forget that you are here

Of your way

Don’t forget that you don’t have

All the times

I have a head full of love

Of endless wants

And watch if you are giving

As the world is large

Leave the past where it is

You have to like the now

You would see if nothing stops you

As the world is large

Don’t wait

Tomorrow or after

For living too late

What you would dream

Above all don’t wait any longer

I’ll choose for you

If you are lost

I’m not what you see

Don’t forget that you are here

A litte of time

Don’t believe it

Those who are two

As the world is large

I don’t promise you the moon

But a fair life at the present

See if you watch a little

As the world is large

And before you are too old

Have a little

Of what it is to be happy

I’ll help you if you want

Above all before leaving

Live as you can live

And stay free

If you want me to follow.

[8] C’est Pas Juste

Ce n’est pas juste une histoire qui finit mal

Ce n’est pas juste les aléas d’une erreur sentimentale

C’est pas juste, c’est pas juste

Y a quelque chose qui tourne pas rond

C’est vrai l’amour a ses raisons

Mais eux à l’abandon

Je ne vous demande pas d’aimer

Au-delà du possible

Je ne vous demande pas d’aimer

Si ça vous fait souffrir

Je ne vous demande pas d’aimer

Jusqu’à vivre le pire

Je ne vous demande pas d’aimer

Mais seulement de ne pas les faire choisir

Ce n’est pas juste une enfance qui prend le large

Ni même une douleur de passage

Une vie qu’ils se partagent

C’est pas juste, c’est pas juste

Elle dit j’peux pas m’en séparer

Et lui moi non plus désole

Mais eux y avez-vous pensé.

[9] C’est Ma Faute

Il est bien tard, je comprends

La terre a déjà fait deux tours

Mais tu sais ça fait longtemps

Que je patiente jusqu’à ce jour

Plus on attend, plus c’est dur

D’avouer qu’on a tous les torts

Mais je n’suis plus vraiment sûr

Que cela nous serve encore

Si j’abuse de ton temps

Je m’excuse j’veux dire seulement

C’est mas faute, c’est ma faute

Si l’on est si loin l’un de l’autre

C’est ma faute, c’est mas faute

Si l’on est plus rein l’un pour l’autre

Je n’veux pas que tu pardonnes encore

Ni même que tu m’écoutes

Je veux que la nuit quand tu dors

Tu n’aies jamais plus aucun doute

Je dois partir maintenant

Et laisser tourner la terre

Et laisser la poussière du temps

Recouvrir notre histoire entière

Mais j’abuse de ton temps

J’n’ai plus d’excuse, je pars maintenant

Je sais j’abuse de ton temps

J’n’ai plus d’excuse, j’veux dire seulement…

It’s Not Fair

It’s not a fair story that ends badly

It’s not fair the hazards of a sentimental error

It’s not fair, it’s not fair

There are somethings which don’t turn round

It’s true love has its reasons

But they abandon it

I don’t ask you to like it

Beyond the possible limit

I don’t ask you to like it

If it makes you suffer

I don’t ask you to like it

As far as to live the worst

I don’t ask you to like it

But only don’t make them choose

It’s not fair a childhood that takes the broad

Nor a pain of passage

A life they share

It’s not fair, it’s not fair

She says I can’t seperate me from it

And it from me any longer sadly

But have you thought of them.

It’s My Fault

It’s too late, I understand

The earth has already turned two days

But you know it does this a long time

That I am patient up until this day

The more I wait, the harder it is

To confess all the wrongs I have

But I am no longer really sure

That this serves us still

If I abuse your time

I apologize I want to say only

It’s my fault, it’s my fault

If we are so far from each other

It’s my fault, it’s my fault

If we are no longer anything to each other

I don’t want you to forgive still

Nor that you listen to me

I want that the night when you sleep

You should never have any more doubt

I must leave now

And leave to turn the earth

And leave the dust of times

Conceal our history entirely

But I abuse your time

I have no more excuses, I leave now

I know I abuse your time

I have no more excuses, I want to say only…

[10] Regardez-Moi

J’ai besoin de fuir

Le monde à présent

Plus rien ne m’attire

J’ai déjà trop fait semblant

S’il me suffit d’ouvrir

Mes portes en silence

A ce qui enivre

Je vais tenter ma chance

Je me donne à toi, ma poussière d’étoiles

Je vais tenter ma chance

Je te laisse mon corps pour la première fois

Je vais tenter ma chance

L’énergie nouvelle voyage dans mes veines

Et transperce mon âme

Aah ah je pars

Aah ah je pars loin de moi

J’ai senti enfin en toi l’éphémère

En moi l’impression d’un paradis sur terre

Je suis allé si haut

Jusqu’à toucher le fond

Comme j’étais fort

Tu t’en souviens, j’ai si peur maintenant

Je me donne à toi ma poussière d’étrange

J’ai si peur maintenant

Je te laisse ma vie pour une dernière danse

J’ai si peur maintenant

Qu’as-tu fait de moi je n’me reconnais pas

Regardez-moi

Aah ah j’ai peur

Aah ah j’air peur aidez-moi

Regardez-moi j’ai peur

Regardez-moi je pleure

Regardez-moi j’ai peur

Aah ah j’ai peur

Aah ah je pleure.

[11] Fermons Les Yeux

Quelles sont encore ces frontières

Qui peuvent séparer les êtres

Comme d’autres prières

Ou d’autres manières

Mais qu’est-ce qui toujours nous pousee

A dresser tant de barrières

La peur, l’honneur ou l’orgueil

Fermons les yeux, fermons les si l’on veut

Voir au-delà des visages

Mais quel est donc le miroir

Qui nous donnera le pouvoir

De se voir en somme

Tel que nous sommes

Mais qu’est-ce qui nous aidera

A vivre autrement

Des gestes, des mots ou du temps

Fermons les yeux, fermons les si l’on veut

Voir au-delà des visages

Fermons les yeux les juste un peu

Ouvrons nos cœurs d’avantage

Il faudra bien mettre fin

A tous ces regards étients

Entendez-vous enfin

Les cris qui ne demandent qu’à se taire.

Look at Me

I need to flee

The world at present

Nothing more entices me

I already made it seem too much

If it is enough of me to open

My doors in silence

To what intoxicates

I am going to tempt my luck

I give myself to you, my stardust

I am going to tempt my luck

I leave you my body for the first time

I am going to tempt my luck

The new energy travels in my veins

And pierces my soul

Aah ah I leave

Aah ah I leave far away from me

I felt finally in you fleeting joy

In me the impression of a paradise on earth

I went so high

Just touching the core

Like I were strong

You remember it, I am so afraid now

I give myself to you my peculiar dust

I am so afraid now

I leave you my life for a last dance

I am so afraid now

What you did to me I don’t recognise

Look at me

Aah ah I’m afraid

Aah ah I’m afraid help me

Look at me I’m afraid

Look at me I cry

Look at me I’m afraid

Aah ah I am afraid

Aah ah I cry.

Close Our Eyes

Which remains the borders

Which can seperate the beings

Like other prayers

Or other manners

But which always we upsurge

To draw so many barriers

Fear, honor, or pride

Close our eyes, close them if we want

See beyond faces

But which is just the mirror

Who will give us the power

To see ourselves

Such as we are

But who will help us

To live differently

Of acts, of words or of times

Close our eyes, close them if we want

See beyond faces

Close our eyes tightly

Open our hearts to advantage

It should be a better end

All those seeing lights

Listen to yourself to the last

The cries that ask you not to conceal them

06:34 pm
12/21/07

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luminiscences

Kyo - Kyo (1-6)

Kyo « Kyo »

[1] Il est Temps

Que restait-il

De nos rires aux éclats

De la confiance en l’avenir

De nos rêves d’autrefois

Quelques jours

Peut’être plus longtemps

On était tous les deux pour

Se séparer un moment

Plus le temps passe

Et plus j’ai appartient

Laisse la nous dire de qu’on devient

Il est temps pour nous de raviver la flamme

Je n’ai plus que n’s’en fait plus

Puis on se lasse du silence

Ces parfums

Me reviennent et me hantent

Comment apprécier la vie

Quand c’est toi qui me manques

Plus le temps passe

Plus j’ai peur

Que tu ne m’effaces

Un peu plus d’heure en heure.

[2] Mes Racines et Mes Ailes

Cette impression que nous avons

D’avoir changé

Quand la raison ne compte plus

Comme elle comptait

Quand un prénom met d’la chaleur

Dans nos pensées

Qu’on est plus seul, jamais

Comme une revanche inespérée

Comme une urgence à partager

Une évidence en moi se fait.

J’ai découvert en elle

J’ai découvert mes racines et mes ailes

Dans son rire et ses yeux, l’essentiel

J’ai découvert en elle

J’ai découvert ma terre et mon ciel

Une attache à nulle autre pareille

Mes racines et mes ailes

Qui font de notre histoire

De nos regards un trait d’union

Et de mes chaînes

Ma liberté sans condition

Et ma plus belle prison.

Kyo « Kyo »

It is Time

What was remaining

Of our bursting laughter

Of the confidence in the future

Of our dreams of other times

Some other days

Possibly it’s been a long time

We were all the two

Seperated in a moment

More time passes

And the more I belong

Leaving us to say what we become

It is time for us to revive the flame

I have nothing more than not making anymore

Can we tire of silence

These perfumes

Revive me and haunt me

How can one appriciate life

When it is you who misses me

More time passes

More I fear

That you erase me

A little more hour by hour

My Roots and My Wings

This impression that we have

Of having changed

When the truth doesn’t count anymore

Like it used to count

When a name puts the heat

In our thoughts

When we are alone, never

Like an unexpected revenge

Like an urgency to share

An evidence in me makes itself

I discovered in her

I discovered my roots and my wings

In her laughter and her eyes, the essential

I have discovered in her

I have discovered in her my world and my sky

An attachment that has no match

My roots and my wings

Which make our history

Of our watching a line of union

And of my chains

My liberty without condition

And my most beautiful prison.

[3] Je N’Veux Pas Oublier

Ce n’est plus l’espoir

C’est l’ennui qui fait vivre

Combien de temps

Avant qu’on nous délivre

Où trouver la force

L’énergie nécessaire

Pour mener sa vie à sa manière

Y a t-il seulement quelqu’un qui rêve

Et toi si tu m’entends

Sache que moi non plus

Je n’veux pas oublier

Qu’on est encore en vie

Qu’on a encore envie

Et tout n’est pas fini

Ne laissons pas mourir

Ce fue dans nos veines

La vie mérite qu’on l’aime

Les regards sont vides

Les couleurs deviennent pâles

L’amour se lasse de n’être plus vital

Dans l’indifférence

Je sens que se meurt

L’étincelle qui animait nos cœurs.

[4] La Verite Nous Ment

Tu sais le monde a peut’être raison

De ne pas se poser trop de questions

De continuer à vivre, de continuer à croire

Que ce n’était pas à toi

De dire la fin de l’histoire

Faut pas que tu t’accroches à ta solitude

Je connais cet endroit, cette habitude

Faut pas que tu t’attendes à décrocher la lune

La vérité nous ment

Parfois elle se dénude

C’est vrai ça ressemble à l’amour qui s’en va

Mais derrière lui, les traces ne s’effacent pas

Ce qu’il te laisse, tu finiras sûrement

Par l’accepter même en faisant semblant

Tu peux mentire ça ne servira à rien

Les mensonges en série

On n’en voit jamais la fin

Maintenant tu peux contempler le ciel

Et t’avouer que t’as connu plus fidèle.

I Don’t Want to Forget

It is nothing more than hope

It is the annoyance that makes life

A counting of time

Before we set ourselves free

Where to find the force

The necessary energy

For taking life in our way

Is there only something which dreams

And you if you hear me

Know that I am no more

I don’t want to forget

That I am yet in life

That I still have wants

And all is not finished

Let’s not leave to die

This fire in our veines

Life deserves that we love it

The watchings are empty

The colors become pale

Love grows weary of no longer being vital

In the indifference

I feel its death

The sparkle which animates our hearts.

The Truth We Lie

You know the world can be right

About not asking too many questions

About continuing to live, to believe

That it was not yours

To tell the end of the story

You shouldn’t hang up your lonliness

I know this place, this custom

You shouldn’t wait to take down the moon

The truth we lie

Many times she stripped herself

It’s true it ressembles love that goes away

But behind it, the marks don’t erase

It leaves you, you will surely finish

By accepting the same in making pretend

You can lie it will serve nothing

The lies in series

You never see it to the end

Now you want to gaze at the sky

And you confess to a crime you knew well.

[5] Un Sourire Aux Anges

A peine sorti de mon sommeil

J’ai l’impression que tu m’appelles

C’est le moment d’en avoir le cœur net

Selon le rituel, je m’avance

Tu sais à force, on perd confiance

J’avais raison ta chambre est vide

On verra bien demain

Si proche je te sens

Dis-moi seulement

Pourquoi t’es parti

Pour un sourire aux anges

J’ai grandi sans toi

Trop longtemps je crois

Pour un sourire aux anges

Est-ce si beau là-bas, pour que tu ne me reviennes pas

Pour un sourire aux anges

Maman n’a jamais raconté

Un semblant d’histoire ou de vrai

Seulement que t’as fait ton choix

Mais t’as choisi pour moi

Je serai même prêt, tu m’entends

A faire les indiens tout le temps

C’est la promesse d’un frère et ça

Crois-moi ça compte tellement.

[6] Telle est Ma Priere

Le temps me vole

Ce que j’ai de plus cher

Dans mes souvenirs tu rigoles

Et tu fais tourner la terre

Ce qui me désole

Est que je désespère

Que ton image s’envole

Mais il n’y a rien à faire

Tu es ce pourquoi j’ai vécu

Jusqu’à maintenant

Mais voilà que tu n’es plus

Et plus rien n’est important

Si seulement j’avais su

Que tu me manquerais autant

Je t’en aurais voulu de t’aimer tant

Apprends-moi à croire qu’on oublie d’avoir mal

Lumière

Qui chaque jour m’éclaire

Telle est ma prière

Tu n’avais pas

De royaume à tes pieds

Mais je verserai pour toi

Plus de larmes qu’un peuple entier

Et ça ne suffira pas

A me faire oublier

Que tu n’es plus.

A Smile of Angels

Trouble leaving my sleep

I have the impression that you call me

It is the moment I have a clear heart

According to the ritual, I advance

You know you tempt fate, you lose confidence

I used to be right that your room is empty

You will see well tomorrow

So close I sense you

Tell me only

Why you left

For a smile of angels

I grew without you

Too long a time I believe

For a smile of angels

Is it so beautiful there that you don’t come back to me

For a smile of angels

Mom never told

A semblance of history or truth

Only that you made your choice

But you chose for me

I will as well be ready, you hear me

To act the indian all the time

It’s a promise of a brother at that

Believe me that counts so much.

Great is My Prayer

The times steal from me

That which I hold most dear

In my memories you laugh

And you make the earth turn

What saddens me

Is that I despair

That your image vanishes

But there is nothing to do

You are why I lived

Until now

But now you are no more

And nothing is important anymore

If only I had known

That you would miss me as much

I would have wanted to love you so much

Teach me to believe that nothing is bad

Light

Which every day enlightens me

Great is my prayer

You never had

The kingdom at your feet

But I will shed tears for you

More tears than everyone else

And that will not be enough

To make me forget

That you are no more.

12:13 pm
11/26/07

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luminiscences

The Wizard Heir

Tattoo by Jordin Sparks

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later I get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn everytime I bleed
The truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger
I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize that nothing is broken
No need to worry about everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back, got a new direction
I loved you once, need protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you
I'll always have you

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong and leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize that nothing's broken
No need to worry about everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back, got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you
I'll always have you

If I lived every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you marks everything I do

Can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize that nothing is broken
Don't need to worry about everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction
Loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you

Don't really know how I feel anymore. I feel like a failure, like a dropout, like someone that's going to be working at KMart for the rest of their life.

I'm content, sure, but what's the freaking meaning of any of this crap that we do? There is no point. There's nothing to anything anymore.

L'emotions:

crushed

06:56 pm
8/25/07

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luminiscences

Beware

I really don't want to go to school. Tomorrow's the last day of my last summer and I'm just sitting her thinking that it sucks. I don't want to go back and be a big, bad Senior. I don't want to graduate and go off and leave everyone. God knows I won't make any friends.

I'm fine with the idea of Tri-C. I really don't have high expectations, but I've sorta been thinking of Xavier. I liked Cincinatti a lot -or what I saw of it coming back up from Tennessee. Their campus looks really nice and, although they're a Catholic-Jesuit school (whatever the hell that is), it looks fun. But again, the problem of money and distance and self-ego resides.

I want to go visit. Ash, maybe we can go on a road trip and check it out. Maybe -and yes, I know I'm delusional- we could live down there and go to school. Yeah, small chance, but I still want to see it. That's the only other school that I even remotely want to see.

We're even broker than normal. So it sucks, but I'm doing okay. I don't know how me and my Mom keep getting sunk deeper and deeper into this fucking perpetual hole of misery, but I'm going to get out of it. When I get older, I won't need TV -that much. I won't need half the stuff we do. I'll live small, keep the money towards my laptop, my books, and my writing.

I'll be fine, high school or not, friends near or not, college or not. I've always been proud that I can do my job pretty well. I think I can advance on my own, even without further education. I won't do that. I don't want to live like my brother and his girlfriend in a dipshit apartment with two kids.

I don't want that to happen to me.

Well, it wouldn't probably because everything I do always ends up humorous to me. I don't see how people can be rich and unhappy. I mean, I'm broke and I always find something good about almost everything. And if I don't, I think it's funny as all hell anyways.

Anyways, I'll be fine.

I just really, really wish we didn't have to go back to school and waste our time with more shit.

L'emotions:

cynical

09:41 pm
8/6/07

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luminiscences

(no subject)

Uhhh... yeah, working tomorrow too. Ruins my plans, but hey, it's cash. I was going to Borders at nine and buy Eclipse, then read that until about two and then hang out with Ash and Cai, if our plans held through.

Now, either Adam called off or was fired for calling off so much, but I doubt it. They love Adam.

And honestly, I could use the money. I just don't want to work six hours at Service. You don't have time to breathe or anything. It's really hard, and I'm there all week. You run the refund register, the other register in case there are lines, control the cashiers and when they go registers, off, or on breaks; keep track of the locked money drawer, cover electronics' break, jewelry's, and garden if I have to. Two separate phones, each wired for employee use and customers, which means both call at the same time all of the time. Today, I was doing a return and talking on both while trying to get change for one of the girls.

Rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

It's so hard, you have to sign your name for every returned item and then three to five slips per transaction. My name is now JZol 31.

I feel like I'm a Jew in a Holocaust, known only by my number.

Urgh, and my black nail polish is still wet so I have to type like my Mom -one fingered and like 'where's the J? My left hand can't find the J'.

I'm tired for some reason. I couldn't seem to wake up at work, either. I was praying for a Monster, but was sort of glad I'd resisted in getting one from Speedway. I mean, short Rachel was sick to her stomach and pretty much crying and she said it was because she had Monster with no food at like three in the evening so, yeah, been there, done that.

Everyone's leaving. Kyle, Rach, Jen and Scott, Matt's already gone, Tiffany left months ago for Florida, Adam, Geri Gary. Everyone. It depresses me because then I'm stuck with Chris, this snotty kid Philip, and the other shy, bashful O1s. They make me want to slap their butt just to see them flush like six-year-olds.

Yeah. They're pretty sad. I miss Dan, too.

And Kenny leaves on the nineteen, Ash and them start on the twenty-third, and I start on the twenty-seventh.

L'emotions:

crappy


03:30 pm 8/1/07 2 comments Leave a comment	luminiscences (no subject) Kids are weird. "I can talk bird!" Yeah, and I can moo like an elephant....

04:26 pm
5/29/07

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luminiscences

Kenny

Yeah, so, I had a fun conversation with Kenny. Apparently he's going to dorm for the next twelve years. I can't move in with him, can't get engaged or married or anything because 'it would be too hard', he says.

I'm not going to do that. I'm not. I'll give him four or five years, but after that, something's happening if I have to do it myself. I'm not waiting twelve years to get engaged. I'm not wasting my life like that. I just couldn't do it. I mean, I could sort of live with him. Spend three nights at his dorm then leave for my house or an apartment, if I get one with Ash. Maybe I'll just try and convince her to get one with me, that way I could go between.

This sucks. Things aren't supposed to be easy, but you do it, because it's supposed to make you happy either way.

I have to think about it.

L'emotions:

cranky

11:06 pm
5/9/07

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luminiscences

(no subject)

Too much crap. Too much school, too much drama, way too much work, too much homework, not enough kenny, and definitely not enough of me to spread around to all areas.

I'm freaking a little. My Mum's being annoying. She's had to work 17 hours days the last couple of days and freaked when I got upset because she didn't get my work schedule.

"oh, i didn't think about it'.

Okay, well, it's right in the flipping hallway -the one you pass about five times every shift. You see it.

Christ. I'm so pissed and I don't know why. Actually, I sorta do. Kenny. He was supposed to come home today. He told me he'd be home at 6 at the latest so I called him at 6:30 because he hadn't called me. He's still at Case and he'd just woken up. I'd changed, reapplied makeup, cleaned up a the house a little because I knew he'd be coming. He'd found out around three or four that he wasn't coming.

Of course he couldn't mention that fact to me. Dipshit. And no I won't even see him for pretty much a week. I work tomorrow, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and probably Sunday.

So, it's his fault. I'm sick of feeling like an excited puppy whenever I get to see him when he barely seems to care if he even DOES get to see me.

And he's got straight Cs in school.

L'emotions:

crappy

06:39 pm
4/7/07

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luminiscences

(no subject)

Uhm.....I sort of cut my own hair.... uhmmm.

I like it, but...

Uhm.

Yeah.

I totally messed it up. I've got bangs now, though!

....really, really, really short bangs.......

hehe....uhm. yeah.

L'emotions:

chipper

02:26 pm
4/5/07

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luminiscences

Spring Break

Spring break's been okay so far. A little less reading and writing then I'd planned, but Justin's been over, so it's all good. I did want to start retaking my old TaeBo tape, but I can't exactly, not with Justin, Rianna, and my Mum around. So. And today's test day in Tae Kwon Do and I've missed three classes out of eight.

Not good.

I'm feeling sort of weird right now. I don't know why. I think I might just be a bit depressed. Kenny hasn't called me in about four days and I'm not exactly sure why. And he won't call me back so I'm really not sure why. It's annoying me.

I wish I was in Florida with Wes.

Current Location:	Florida? Please?
L'emotions:	cranky

03:12 pm
3/15/07

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luminiscences

Fight

Punched a car today. I was walking out of the school after the bell rang and I was walking across the street. Suddenly this huge car comes bulleting past and don't even slow down. I wasn't even an inch away from the car, and it's not like I'm going to stop for a bunch of jerks. So basically they almost hit me so I slammed the palm of my hand against the window TKD style.

I hit it really hard. It sorta hurt, but it was definitely worth it.

I'm having a pretty bad day. I woke up early to find snow and ice covering my car, so I got out ten miutes before I'm supposed to pick up Mike and picked at it. The roads were really bad. My ABS breaks were freaking every time I stopped or turned, so I actually had to stop a lot earlier than I normally do. Then it turned out Black River, Buckeye, and Cloverdale were all either closed or on two hour delays. So, of course, nobody was in Lab and people in Animal Health had to come in and help with the Groom Room. I had an Old English Sheepdog named Miss Molly.

I think pretty much everyone hates me in my class. Not like they do Amy or Candace, but as if I was some annoying yet tolerable postscript. I guess a bunch of my so-called friends were talking about how I annoyed them.

I don't understand any of this! I talk to them, I mess around with them. I fucking work with them and try to help them as much as I can. I'd do anything for them. That's how I am with my friends and the people I like.

But I guess they don't like me and that they never really had.

I don't understand what's so wrong with me. I really don't. They talk so condescendingly to me and I don't know why. Do I look at them weird? Am I that unbearable to look at or listen to? I know I'm not as cool or as 'screw-it-all to hell' like Sam; or as smart as Arika, or as affable as Stephy is.

I remember the beginning of the year. Stepho sat with me on the way there and we were pretty good friends. I thought I'd finally met someone besides Shroom at JVS that I'd actually have a chance of being on good terms with.

Then after camp she didn't really talk to me. None of them ever really had. They don't smile to me or wave in the hallway. Casey and Kai are so close that they've got all these little inside jokes and they're really close.

I'm used to having that with my friends and there's no one at JVS that I can do that with. The only really friends I have are Brunswick, and for all I know, if I met them today for the first time in my life, I'm not sure if they'd like me either. They've just known me so long that I'm sort of an afterthought in their life.

I don't want to be accepted or absolutely adored or anything. I just want people to look at me and see a friend, not just some annoying pest.

I just really don't understand why I can't make friends. I don't take jokes about myself that well. How can I fix that? I've been made fun of and criticized my whole life. I try to laugh at myself, and I usually do, but people like Sam and Steph don't make it seem like jokes. They make it seem like insults and I get a little offended.

Then today I forgot how we even got to the subject about me and Candice. Casey didn't think I could beat her up, and Kayla's like 'There's barely anyone in Animal Care you could even hurt' or something.

I know I'm not some macho, strong girl or something, but it struck me that none of them really know me. None of them do know me. It sort of hurt that Casey didn't think I could beat up Candice. I don't know. I'm just weird like that. They don't know me like Kait and Ash do, and it feels like even they are getting farther and farther away until I can barely remember how close we all used to be.

Almost my entire life is Kenny and school. I come home and read or write, watch TV, go to work where even more people think I'm really weird and most don't even like me.

Why does this happen to me? Do I really act that different compared to everybody else?

I wish I was like Kai and Casey. Quiet, opinionated but less hotheaded about it, nice.

But I'm not. I'm talkative, hyperactive at most times, and maybe I'm too bold. Maybe I talk too much.

But it's not like I've hurt any of these people. I just wanted to be their friends so I wouldn't have to go home and feel so goddammed alone and abandoned.

Well, now that I feel totally pathetic.

08:17 pm
3/1/07

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luminiscences

Home

I got to stay home today because the exterminator was here. It's going to cost about $400 dollars initially, and then $90 dollars every three months for quarter sprayings.

Woke up early to clean and, yeah, have to take my cat to school on Tuesday or she goes to Grandma's, which she'd probably get out. Trust her with my cousin Paul and Grandma? In Cleveland?

HELL NO, YOU AIN'T GETTIN' MY KITTY!

God, how could my Mom think I'd do that? It would be so easy, so pathetically easy, for her to get out and get killed or run away. I won't let that happen to my baby. She's the most important thing in my entire life. Hell no I'm not letting her go.

So she'll be mad at me for taking her to school. She was pissed the last time and I promised her last time that she'd never have to come to school with me again, but I've got no choice. I might be able to convince my Mum to let me stay home and go to Grandma's with her.

If I do take her to school, I'm going to have to carry a huge Vari kennel and a litter box because I'd be going to Beth's after. I don't know, I'll do something. I'll figure it out.

Urgh. Too tired. Going to sleep soon. I've gotten nothing done today, no reading or writing or anything. I'm so pissed at myself because I work tomorrow, Sat., and Sun. So, yeah, then there's Kenny's concert on Mon, TKD on Tue and Thurs, Beth's on Friday, and then Kenny's supposed to come home.

Too much happening.

Though, thank God, I'm in Groom Room! Yay, yay, yay, yay! No more icky, icky barn! Whooooooooooooo!

L'emotions:

blah


03:13 pm 2/21/07 Leave a comment	luminiscences (no subject) Yeah, Mrs. Dailey got all mad about me writing on LJ in her class earlier. I had to cut it off.

11:39 am
2/21/07

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luminiscences

Still Barn...

I'm so tired of the barn. I really, really am, but I've sort of given up on complaining about it.

I don't know if I'll be able to continue TKD just because I really, really don't have the money, not to mention that my car's acting up and it's sort of bad when I request Tuesdays and Thursdays off when I apply to other stores. I really want to work at PetSmart, but I might give up that hope. I'll have to call Joseph -that would be a really credible job if I end up going for vet. med.

Anyways, my car stalled yesterday at the stop sign at Grafton and Marcs. Mike H. had to get out and push, and we're both like holy shit. It wasn't fun, but my car SEEMS to be running better today.

I'm really tired and I don't want to go to work after school. It's actually five hours instead of four, which is going to seem like forever because I'm so used to having four or four and a half hours.

Kenny comes home this weekend for the first time in what seems like two months. It's got to be at least a month and a half since I've last seen him, so I'm excited. We'll have been dating for an entire year, which is something for me. I'm in such a good mood about it. Also, I bought him an engraved pen, a black stuffed poodle, Reese's candies, a huge Hershey's kiss, and a smaller valentine of Hershey's kisses. I'm going to make him cookies and, if my comp decides to like me today, burn him a CD with all the songs that we've listened to together in his car or last year at prom.

BHS better not ban guests at prom -even B. graduated students. That's just stupid -no one's threatened

03:16 pm
2/9/07

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luminiscences

Barn Rotation

This stupid winter needs to stop right now. And Mrs. Jones needs to switch rotations, but NO! It's been 2' outside for the entire time we've been in there. Today, my hands were so cold they were burning. It hurt so bad and I had to water the arena with a leaky hose, which meant my gloves weren't on because then they'd get wet and then I'd get even more sick, so I was even colder. Not to mention Mrs. Jones is making us stay out there all next week too because we 'haven't even had a full week of rotation yet'.

What the fuck? We haven't had a 'full week' since before Christmas Break. 'S not gonna happen for a while. And anyways, we only missed Monday and Tuesday, and then one day last week, and one day the week before. Four days isn't a big deal. I'm so pissed.

I'm so tired of being cold.

Dan gave me $20 the first day he drove home with me, and he keeps trying to give me money every day I take him home. I'm like, $20 fucking dollars? For a ride home? You're definitely not paying for at least a month.

Not that I wouldn't like money, but he's always talking about how he has to save money for a car and to move out. So I really can't take more than anyone else just because I need money. I really do like him too much to jip him out.

But my car's such trash. I hope it doesn't die too soon.

I've gained weight. Me and Mum have to go pants shopping for me because of it. Urgh. Not to mention I have to buy Justin, Beth, Mandy, and Jake all B-day presents.

Money sucks.

Oh, yeah, and I'm going in to work tonight even though I wasn't scheduled. I need the money desperately.

L'emotions:

distressed

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